first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I look better un-naked...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
