just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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