my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
