I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
