oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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