Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
