Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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