I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
