Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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