Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
