Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
