Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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