I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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