wrigley field is MILF paradise
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
