My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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