So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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