You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
