I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
