i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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