I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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