Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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