You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
