Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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