I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
