Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
