Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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