i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
