The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
