I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
