just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
