dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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