I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
