There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
