I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
