Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
