I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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