don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
