worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize