Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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