Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
