Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's never too late to be topless.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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