glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
