I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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