Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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