he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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