I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
