This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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