My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize