an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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