It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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