im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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