pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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