Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
