i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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