Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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