Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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