you told grandpa to call you daddy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
