you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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