so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
