I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
