I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
