So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
