Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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