if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
