i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
