There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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