this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
