i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
