Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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