We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
