Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
