i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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