I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
