just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's never too late to be topless.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
