OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
