The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
