what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Enjoy the penises
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
