so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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