I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
