i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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