I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
