I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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