Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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