just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
