There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
